Wow--it has only been two weeks of handling the munchkins alone! It feels like it has been a month...maybe longer! This whole situation has been eye-opening to me in so many ways. I am sure by the end of the year I will have learned so much and gained respect for various situations and people. First of all, I am not very good at asking for or accepting help. I've always been someone who does things on her own. I pretty much had to as a kid and as an adult I thrived on my ability to handle pretty much everything. I can admit that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing so much without relying on anyone but myself. This is the first situation (so far) that has hit me upside the head. I'm already waiving the white flag...I, without a doubt, cannot handle this single-parenting situation entirely alone. Two weeks ago I did not know this but I did know that if I needed help I had no idea who to call....and even if I had a list a mile long of people-- I would not call them. Even if my car blew up on the side of the road and we were freezing--I'd probably still not call anyone except a tow truck or some other "service".
Enter a very new friend, a relatively new member of my mama group.... she visited after Ainsley was born and a seemingly random series of events occurred one Wednesday that lead her to help me. From there...she decides she's going to help me get through this crazy period of life. She's come-- I have no idea how many times now-- with her 19 month-old daughter and picked up the house, cooked food, researched possible solutions to all the various reasons Ainsley wont stop crying etc etc. Add to this-- she lives pretty much as far away from us as is possible without living outside the "metro area". Oh..also...Avery picks on her adorable little girl...seriously! She bullies her so much I can't believe they ever come back.
Back to the point... I have no choice but to accept help from this mom. I do so knowing that I may not ever be able to repay her in any way. It is hard for me. I feel guilty-- for lots of reasons. She drives a great distance, her daughter puts up with Avery's behavior (which I'm blaming on transition/stress/sadness over dad being gone and her lack of attention due to Ainsley) and she has stayed pretty darn late (even slept over when I had to take Ainsley to the ER!). If I didn't accept her help..where would the girls and I be? Well we'd be up a creek my friends. So it is true..I'm human. I can't handle every situation on my own. I have to admit that. I have to accept help from others in order to provide for my girls. If I don't surrender and accept help I may do more harm than good to my kids. My independent self wants to compile a list of ways I can repay this super mom-- and anyone else who helps us in the future--but I have no idea if I will even be capable of anything I may put on that list. It is a terrible feeling...but one I have to surrender to...be humble
"God opposes the proud, but gives graces to the humble." (James 4:6)
Showing posts with label single-parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single-parenting. Show all posts
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Ahhhhhhh!
Last night was awful! It is really depressing to walk into the bedroom and see the bed made, lamps on and remember that you'll be sleeping alone tonight...and every night for a long time. I guess I can say I was lucky that I didn't spend too much time in bed. Avery absolutely didn't want to go to bed. She was behaving strangely. She ended up getting naked and asking to use the potty four times. The fifth time she didn't potty in the potty chair-- so I thought it was a game. I quit getting her out...big mistake. She peed twice in the bed after getting naked. Keep in mind here-- I'm putting her clothes back on every single time. The sixth time (at midnight) I finally left her naked in her crib. I realized she may pee or poo in her bed and have to sleep in it but I felt like this game could have gone on all night. I tried everything-- snap diapers, difficult to remove clothes and almost used a safety pin to keep a zipper from going down but I was afraid she'd figure out how to open it and hurt herself. While this fiasco was going on from 7:30pm until midnight-- Ainsley was crying. I would tend to her-- go re-dress Avery and change the bedding..back and forth back and forth. At 2am Ainsley finally went to sleep...woke at 4 and went back to sleep at 6..but Avery woke up at 6. This was exhausting and I cried almost the entire time. I felt terrible for Avery because she kept saying "remember Daddy" as if he had been gone a long time.
Anyway-- today wasn't much better but whatever. Every day is going to be the same-- stressful and tiring. I tried to determine what I would do on Mondays-- I was going to scrub the bathrooms but I'm so tired I don't care. Maybe next Monday I'll clean the bathrooms. I did manage to create a craft for Avery. I printed Santa coloring pages. I let her color one. Maybe tomorrow we'll glue on cotton balls for his beard. I figured she'd enjoy dipping the ball into glue and sticking it on his beard. She is coloring inside the lines these days so I thought this would be a step up.
Stephen is about to arrive on base in North Carolina in the next hour. When he sent me that message I felt like this situation was "for real"...as if it wasn't real last night..or maybe he would turn around and come home. Ugh.
Anyway-- today wasn't much better but whatever. Every day is going to be the same-- stressful and tiring. I tried to determine what I would do on Mondays-- I was going to scrub the bathrooms but I'm so tired I don't care. Maybe next Monday I'll clean the bathrooms. I did manage to create a craft for Avery. I printed Santa coloring pages. I let her color one. Maybe tomorrow we'll glue on cotton balls for his beard. I figured she'd enjoy dipping the ball into glue and sticking it on his beard. She is coloring inside the lines these days so I thought this would be a step up.
Stephen is about to arrive on base in North Carolina in the next hour. When he sent me that message I felt like this situation was "for real"...as if it wasn't real last night..or maybe he would turn around and come home. Ugh.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
First Day: Sunday!
Well there was no chance we'd be making it to church this morning so that goes on my "to accomplish" list next week. I'm making this mental "to accomplish" list to keep myself from being overwhelmed. It seems that after I complete one of these accomplishments I feel like I can make it a regular part of my routine. Take the grocery trip yesterday for example, I feel pretty confident that I could take both kids out today to get the eggs we forgot. However, I have yet to fit in a shower so I'm putting the store off until tomorrow.
Stephen left at 8 this morning. He was very sad to say goodbye to his little girl. I mean, he was sad to leave all of us but he and Avery have a very special bond. He told her he was going to North Carolina for a while and she seemed OK. She did tell him not to go a few times but he distracted her with Toy Story.
On Sundays we have open houses from 1-4pm. Stephen kind of destroyed the house packing. It seems everything he left was in a pile in some corner of every room. UGH! First, the batteries died in the swing-- which is the only place Ainsley will sleep if I set her down. Second, I had 3 D batteries and the machine takes 4. Third, Avery wanted to eat in the living room. I normally don't let her eat much in the living room but she was starving and Ainsley was too. So...a bowl of Goldfish, sunflower seeds, bananas, strawberries and cheese was delivered. I know that is a weird breakfast but she didn't want eggs, oatmeal, cereal, toast or pancakes-- and yes-- I offered her them ALL! This is one battle I am giving up right here and now. When Avery is hungry-- she is uncooperative and actually pretty mean. I can either be strict and tell her she has to eat what is in front of her or go hungry (and deal with cranky pants) or I can let her eat what she likes (within reason). I'm thinking for now-- I'm going to keep giving her the "buffet" tray of things to eat. Anyway-- 25% of the bowl ended up smashed into the carpet (Open house day remember!).
Long story short-- I left the living room alone because she was destroying it and quickly cleaned up everywhere else. This was a LONG process. I had to stop and feed both kids twice during these 5 hours...change 6 diapers and 2 sets of clothes. Now both kids are napping and the house is clean except none of the floors are vaccummed (remember the Goldfish, sunflower seeds, bananas, strawberries and cheese?). I feel like I can cross preparing for the open house off my "to accomplish" list. I managed it and while I wouldn't lick my bathroom countertops-- they are mostly clean. We just scrubbed them last week... so they aren't that bad.
On to another topic-- I've decided what Sundays will include: Church, cleaning the house up for the open house and that is all. Sunday is to be a day of rest anyway so I'm going to enforce that in my home going forward. I feel like I should be doing 1,000 things but I'm not going to do anything but fulfill the girls' basic needs and hopefully my own! (Remember, I haven't showered yet today!). Now...if only I could shower while they were napping during the open house...but that could be a little awkward.
Stephen left at 8 this morning. He was very sad to say goodbye to his little girl. I mean, he was sad to leave all of us but he and Avery have a very special bond. He told her he was going to North Carolina for a while and she seemed OK. She did tell him not to go a few times but he distracted her with Toy Story.
On Sundays we have open houses from 1-4pm. Stephen kind of destroyed the house packing. It seems everything he left was in a pile in some corner of every room. UGH! First, the batteries died in the swing-- which is the only place Ainsley will sleep if I set her down. Second, I had 3 D batteries and the machine takes 4. Third, Avery wanted to eat in the living room. I normally don't let her eat much in the living room but she was starving and Ainsley was too. So...a bowl of Goldfish, sunflower seeds, bananas, strawberries and cheese was delivered. I know that is a weird breakfast but she didn't want eggs, oatmeal, cereal, toast or pancakes-- and yes-- I offered her them ALL! This is one battle I am giving up right here and now. When Avery is hungry-- she is uncooperative and actually pretty mean. I can either be strict and tell her she has to eat what is in front of her or go hungry (and deal with cranky pants) or I can let her eat what she likes (within reason). I'm thinking for now-- I'm going to keep giving her the "buffet" tray of things to eat. Anyway-- 25% of the bowl ended up smashed into the carpet (Open house day remember!).
Long story short-- I left the living room alone because she was destroying it and quickly cleaned up everywhere else. This was a LONG process. I had to stop and feed both kids twice during these 5 hours...change 6 diapers and 2 sets of clothes. Now both kids are napping and the house is clean except none of the floors are vaccummed (remember the Goldfish, sunflower seeds, bananas, strawberries and cheese?). I feel like I can cross preparing for the open house off my "to accomplish" list. I managed it and while I wouldn't lick my bathroom countertops-- they are mostly clean. We just scrubbed them last week... so they aren't that bad.
On to another topic-- I've decided what Sundays will include: Church, cleaning the house up for the open house and that is all. Sunday is to be a day of rest anyway so I'm going to enforce that in my home going forward. I feel like I should be doing 1,000 things but I'm not going to do anything but fulfill the girls' basic needs and hopefully my own! (Remember, I haven't showered yet today!). Now...if only I could shower while they were napping during the open house...but that could be a little awkward.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Eve of Departure
Today Stephen basically acted as if he wasn't really here when it came to handling both kids. I'm not sure if this was entirely intentional (to help me get used to it) or if he was just busy preparing to leave. Regardless, it was complete insanity. Last night, Avery refused to sleep. She crashed for 45 minutes at 7:30am but she was literally up 24 hours...and refused a nap later. We all went grocery shopping at three stores to stock up so I wouldn't have to take the girls out alone for a few more weeks. INSANE! This is where Stephen really let me handle things. If it were freezing cold right now-- Avy would have been turned into an ice cube sitting in the cart while I tried to get Ainsley out. I tried the car seat in the cart-- annoying because not all carts are big enough. I also tried carrying her in my ErgoBaby carrier but getting her into that quickly and then getting Avery is not quick at all! Anyway, it was rough.
My little one day experiment made me realize just how crazy hard it is to be a parent. I've had rough moments with Avery (prior to Ainsley) but I never really thought I would explode or possibly go insane. I definitely feel crazy now. I feel like the time I spend with each girl is just to fulfill their basic needs. Rarely do I get to interact with either of them in a way that is promoting their development or even nurturing. I'm simply providing for them...clothes, food, clean diapers, baths. That is about it. I really hope that in the coming days (not weeks or months!) I am able to spend quality time with these kids...and I'd love to have 15 minutes to myself. When I shower these days- I have one screaming newborn in a bouncy seat and a curious toddler whipping open the shower curtain spraying water everywhere.
My little one day experiment made me realize just how crazy hard it is to be a parent. I've had rough moments with Avery (prior to Ainsley) but I never really thought I would explode or possibly go insane. I definitely feel crazy now. I feel like the time I spend with each girl is just to fulfill their basic needs. Rarely do I get to interact with either of them in a way that is promoting their development or even nurturing. I'm simply providing for them...clothes, food, clean diapers, baths. That is about it. I really hope that in the coming days (not weeks or months!) I am able to spend quality time with these kids...and I'd love to have 15 minutes to myself. When I shower these days- I have one screaming newborn in a bouncy seat and a curious toddler whipping open the shower curtain spraying water everywhere.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Seasons Change
I am just so incredibly overwhelmed...and pregnancy just makes that feeling magnified! Fall is my favorite time of year. It is also one that pulls on my heart because a very special lady, Leanne, is forever embedded in fall in my memory and she lives in Indiana now. We both have little ones so visiting isn't that easy...so with every leaf, Pumpkin Spice Latte and other sign of fall I feel both happy and sad.
This fall season is one of an especially large amount of change for me and my little family. Our baby is due sometime in the next 34 or so days. My husband just received word that he is being mobilized to North Carolina within the next 45 days. He will stay there for 12 months. Now, when he first heard about this opportunity our whole family was moving. I was apprehensive about uprooting myself and a newborn (literally a newborn!) to a new state but I thought for a year it would be like an adventure. We would keep our house here...rent it to a trusted friend and just go live in NC while he worked. Well, the orders now indicate that he will be going without his family. This is really bothering me. First, I am planning to deliver our baby about 2 hours away in Iowa City. Coordinating that trip (in labor) plus rendezvousing with our friend who is going to watch our toddler was going to add enough complexity to it to make anyone crazy. Now he may or may not be here when I go into labor.
So once that hurdle is cleared I get to worry about handling a newborn and a very active 22 month-old. A is very well behaved (unless she's sick) and really not a handful. However, she does need to do something every day. She isn't going to be content lounging around the house all day while I try to get into a routine with the newborn. Plus, she'll be confused about sharing my attention with a baby and her daddy will be gone. Sleepless nights, crying, extra diapers, recovering from childbirth...etc...something I hadn't even worried about because I knew with Stephen around we'd be just fine.
The added detail that makes this sad for me-- to most people this doesn't sound too bad because they'll just call their mom, aunt, sister, cousin etc etc and have them rotate off or help out in any way necessary. All the ladies in families love babies and will take every opportunity to hold them, squeeze them and help a new mom out. This isn't an option for me. Stephen's family lives too far away and aren't the traveling type. Anyone who knows me really well knows what I'm saying-- I just don't have a relationship with anyone in my family so having help isn't an option for me.
On the positive side, there are a LOT of doulas nearby who are needing to make money so I'll be lining one or a few up to help during the early months after the baby is born.
This is definitely not a direction I ever imagined my life taking. I'm just glad I'm not the one making the decision because I don't want any responsibility in splitting our family up for this period of time. I don't see how it will cause positive change. While one of us is working a 9-5 the other will be managing a household 24/7. I know lots of women do it but I feel like this took me by surprise... I didn't sign up for it that is for sure.
This fall season is one of an especially large amount of change for me and my little family. Our baby is due sometime in the next 34 or so days. My husband just received word that he is being mobilized to North Carolina within the next 45 days. He will stay there for 12 months. Now, when he first heard about this opportunity our whole family was moving. I was apprehensive about uprooting myself and a newborn (literally a newborn!) to a new state but I thought for a year it would be like an adventure. We would keep our house here...rent it to a trusted friend and just go live in NC while he worked. Well, the orders now indicate that he will be going without his family. This is really bothering me. First, I am planning to deliver our baby about 2 hours away in Iowa City. Coordinating that trip (in labor) plus rendezvousing with our friend who is going to watch our toddler was going to add enough complexity to it to make anyone crazy. Now he may or may not be here when I go into labor.
So once that hurdle is cleared I get to worry about handling a newborn and a very active 22 month-old. A is very well behaved (unless she's sick) and really not a handful. However, she does need to do something every day. She isn't going to be content lounging around the house all day while I try to get into a routine with the newborn. Plus, she'll be confused about sharing my attention with a baby and her daddy will be gone. Sleepless nights, crying, extra diapers, recovering from childbirth...etc...something I hadn't even worried about because I knew with Stephen around we'd be just fine.
The added detail that makes this sad for me-- to most people this doesn't sound too bad because they'll just call their mom, aunt, sister, cousin etc etc and have them rotate off or help out in any way necessary. All the ladies in families love babies and will take every opportunity to hold them, squeeze them and help a new mom out. This isn't an option for me. Stephen's family lives too far away and aren't the traveling type. Anyone who knows me really well knows what I'm saying-- I just don't have a relationship with anyone in my family so having help isn't an option for me.
On the positive side, there are a LOT of doulas nearby who are needing to make money so I'll be lining one or a few up to help during the early months after the baby is born.
This is definitely not a direction I ever imagined my life taking. I'm just glad I'm not the one making the decision because I don't want any responsibility in splitting our family up for this period of time. I don't see how it will cause positive change. While one of us is working a 9-5 the other will be managing a household 24/7. I know lots of women do it but I feel like this took me by surprise... I didn't sign up for it that is for sure.
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