Everyone's in Bed So I Turn to My Blog

Can I just say that I'm PISSED! P I S S E D. Yep I'm cursing.

After over a year of working my butt off for a company doing things that were paid as well as volunteer they have decided that I am no longer "adequate" for an aspect of the paid part of my duties. Oh but they would LOVE to see me continue the volunteer part. Um yeah, sure you would. There are maybe 5-6 other people who do the same volunteer role in other areas of the company but truth be told, I do WAY more work as a volunteer than anyone else. I don't do it for accolades or anything like that. I did it because the financial gain from the paid work was much appreciated by my family. I love(d) the company...what they stood for....the service they provided. I knew what was expected of me and I was helping others learn how to get accustomed to their knew role as a contractor for this company (all that stuff was my unpaid role). I saved the employees of this company a lot of time by volunteering...and I mean a LOT of time. I put out fires, reported thieves, filtered "complaints" and brought to light real questions and problems, herded the sheep, bandaged wounds...you name it-- I did it all-- virtually speaking of course.

So yeah...I don't get to do the same paid work anymore but they would love it if I would continue my volunteer duties--my choice. Jerks. Are you kidding me? You pee on someone who's given so much FREE time...how about some coaching if I need to improve? Or am I getting paid too much and you need me to work less? Was there SOME other way around this? I am pretty sure there was. Since you went the icky route...and had the gall to ask if I would still want to volunteer despite not getting to continue with the same paid role.... I have to say I am very disappointed in you.

I'm also disappointed in myself. I knew I was giving too much. I ALWAYS give too much. Sometimes I pout when I'm alone because people never give back equally...or at all most times. I can't give 10% I guess. I have to give it all or I don't feel like I've done enough. Would you call that having pride in your work ethic? When am I going to learn? I cut a lot of people out of my life in the previous 24 months because I was always the giver. I had a lot less stress when I got those people out of my life. I miss some of them but I know it isn't worth it. I need to learn not to give 100% all the time. I'm sick of getting peed on for being to generous... jerks.

Godiva

Godiva should probably start paying me for advertising. I'm going through some crazy pregnancy craving stage where the only thing that sounds good is chocolate..and not just any chocolate. Just the kind that melts in your mouth and is so strong in flavor that you really can't eat more than one at once. I've Tweeted, Facebook status updated (twice), Private Messaged (6 people) and posted about 5 thread posts about Godiva and eating it as dinner.

Why...am I blogging about Godiva? Well, because I have reached that icky part of pregnancy where your hormones go kinda nuts. I feel extremely lonely and isolated. Which lead me to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner and bedtime snack for two days in a row. Don't worry, I ate other foods too. I still feel attacked my hormones. I've also been truly isolated because I have been participating in a challenge for one of my writing clients. I set out to produce an insane amount of pieces and this has required writing basically 19 hours out of each day. It ends on Monday night at midnight though... so not too much longer.

My other problem is that I have to keep a food log for my midwife. She's a tough gal. Not the stern, make you fear your life kind of tough. But she definitely tells you that if you want to work with her, you will do what she is recommending. Well, she actually says it more like, if you are like the other women I have worked with and truly want a VBAC, you will do this. Anyway, so eating truffles isn't exactly going along with what she recommends.

So yeah- I'm alone with my blog one last Godiva truffle, depressing pregnancy hormones and very little sleep.