Today Stephen basically acted as if he wasn't really here when it came to handling both kids. I'm not sure if this was entirely intentional (to help me get used to it) or if he was just busy preparing to leave. Regardless, it was complete insanity. Last night, Avery refused to sleep. She crashed for 45 minutes at 7:30am but she was literally up 24 hours...and refused a nap later. We all went grocery shopping at three stores to stock up so I wouldn't have to take the girls out alone for a few more weeks. INSANE! This is where Stephen really let me handle things. If it were freezing cold right now-- Avy would have been turned into an ice cube sitting in the cart while I tried to get Ainsley out. I tried the car seat in the cart-- annoying because not all carts are big enough. I also tried carrying her in my ErgoBaby carrier but getting her into that quickly and then getting Avery is not quick at all! Anyway, it was rough.
My little one day experiment made me realize just how crazy hard it is to be a parent. I've had rough moments with Avery (prior to Ainsley) but I never really thought I would explode or possibly go insane. I definitely feel crazy now. I feel like the time I spend with each girl is just to fulfill their basic needs. Rarely do I get to interact with either of them in a way that is promoting their development or even nurturing. I'm simply providing for them...clothes, food, clean diapers, baths. That is about it. I really hope that in the coming days (not weeks or months!) I am able to spend quality time with these kids...and I'd love to have 15 minutes to myself. When I shower these days- I have one screaming newborn in a bouncy seat and a curious toddler whipping open the shower curtain spraying water everywhere.
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