This sounds funny but I'm sure everyone has noticed it before. Instead of telling Stephen I am annoyed that I had to get out of bed and take care of Avery when it is his turn I will say to her, "I guess Daddy didn't want to help you this time so I will". Other comments have been, "I know you are starving but mommy doesn't think so", "Tell Daddy to pick his dirty shoes up so you can have room to play".
Anyway- instead of actually speaking negative things to each other we have put our complaints "between the lines" of baby talk to our daughter. Maybe that isn't any healthier than just arguing, but for now it works.