Friday, July 30, 2010

Counting Down the Days...

Obviously I'm counting down the days until this pregnancy ends which also happens to be the same day I get to meet this other munchkin. Not so obvious, I just realized that I have 98 days left to spend with my first born. Ugh, why does this break my heart?

It really truly makes me sad to think about sharing my time with Avery and this new baby. I know everyone does it and kids all turn out fine after having their role of only child taken away. I just hope she is the type of toddler who doesn't feel hurt or left out by the new addition. That will make it easier on her and of course me.

To keep myself from being too sad about this I just try to focus on the excitement I know she will have when playing with her new sibling. I'm trying to make sure we squeeze in all kinds of important moments in the time we have left. It wasn't sad for me to "give up" my life of being childless but for some reason it is really hard to give up being a mom to just one kid. Strange eh?

There are so many differences too! I am more apprehensive about the baby than I was with Avery. Once I got over the shock of actually being pregnant (with Avery) despite believing I could never have a baby, I was completely excited. I even showed up at the hospital for my induction without any fear. I don't know what I was thinking then but I sure wish I could think the same way now. Seriously, I showed up for a procedure that went so terribly wrong but I was smiling the whole time (until we prepped for surgery of course). I don't know, maybe it was my horrible birth experience that makes me more fearful of the labor and delivery this time. I just wish I didn't have this giant bump in the way while I spend the last 98 days with little Avery. It sure does inhibit a lot of the fun things we could be doing. I mean, I can hardly get down to give her a bath (here I am crying about that as I type it). Yep, those days are coming to an end.

Hopefully I don't sound crazy and other moms can relate to feeling this sadness over becoming a mom to two. Wait, did I just say it was sad to have a second baby? Now that sounds crazy!

Monday, July 12, 2010


I've always known that I have a problem with being unhappy when the people around me are unhappy. It is true that I spend far too much time doing whatever I can to make other people happy or comfortable even if it means I'm miserable. Somedays I really prefer to be a people-pleaser but every now and then I meet a person whom I really care about and want to make happy all the time. That person just happens to be IMPOSSIBLE to please. This of course makes me feel terrible about our relationship and about my efforts at making the person happy.

I'm not really sure how to make our relationship work. Either I have to learn not to be a people-pleaser or this person has to get happy. Both of those necessities seem pretty unlikely to occur. What does that mean for the two of us? I'm not exactly sure. I just hope we find a way to accommodate each other in the meantime.