Wow--it has only been two weeks of handling the munchkins alone! It feels like it has been a month...maybe longer! This whole situation has been eye-opening to me in so many ways. I am sure by the end of the year I will have learned so much and gained respect for various situations and people. First of all, I am not very good at asking for or accepting help. I've always been someone who does things on her own. I pretty much had to as a kid and as an adult I thrived on my ability to handle pretty much everything. I can admit that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing so much without relying on anyone but myself. This is the first situation (so far) that has hit me upside the head. I'm already waiving the white flag...I, without a doubt, cannot handle this single-parenting situation entirely alone. Two weeks ago I did not know this but I did know that if I needed help I had no idea who to call....and even if I had a list a mile long of people-- I would not call them. Even if my car blew up on the side of the road and we were freezing--I'd probably still not call anyone except a tow truck or some other "service".
Enter a very new friend, a relatively new member of my mama group.... she visited after Ainsley was born and a seemingly random series of events occurred one Wednesday that lead her to help me. From there...she decides she's going to help me get through this crazy period of life. She's come-- I have no idea how many times now-- with her 19 month-old daughter and picked up the house, cooked food, researched possible solutions to all the various reasons Ainsley wont stop crying etc etc. Add to this-- she lives pretty much as far away from us as is possible without living outside the "metro area". Oh..also...Avery picks on her adorable little girl...seriously! She bullies her so much I can't believe they ever come back.
Back to the point... I have no choice but to accept help from this mom. I do so knowing that I may not ever be able to repay her in any way. It is hard for me. I feel guilty-- for lots of reasons. She drives a great distance, her daughter puts up with Avery's behavior (which I'm blaming on transition/stress/sadness over dad being gone and her lack of attention due to Ainsley) and she has stayed pretty darn late (even slept over when I had to take Ainsley to the ER!). If I didn't accept her help..where would the girls and I be? Well we'd be up a creek my friends. So it is true..I'm human. I can't handle every situation on my own. I have to admit that. I have to accept help from others in order to provide for my girls. If I don't surrender and accept help I may do more harm than good to my kids. My independent self wants to compile a list of ways I can repay this super mom-- and anyone else who helps us in the future--but I have no idea if I will even be capable of anything I may put on that list. It is a terrible feeling...but one I have to surrender to...be humble
"God opposes the proud, but gives graces to the humble." (James 4:6)
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