Seasons Change

I am just so incredibly overwhelmed...and pregnancy just makes that feeling magnified! Fall is my favorite time of year. It is also one that pulls on my heart because a very special lady, Leanne, is forever embedded in fall in my memory and she lives in Indiana now. We both have little ones so visiting isn't that easy...so with every leaf, Pumpkin Spice Latte and other sign of fall I feel both happy and sad.

This fall season is one of an especially large amount of change for me and my little family. Our baby is due sometime in the next 34 or so days. My husband just received word that he is being mobilized to North Carolina within the next 45 days. He will stay there for 12 months. Now, when he first heard about this opportunity our whole family was moving. I was apprehensive about uprooting myself and a newborn (literally a newborn!) to a new state but I thought for a year it would be like an adventure. We would keep our house here...rent it to a trusted friend and just go live in NC while he worked. Well, the orders now indicate that he will be going without his family. This is really bothering me. First, I am planning to deliver our baby about 2 hours away in Iowa City. Coordinating that trip (in labor) plus rendezvousing with our friend who is going to watch our toddler was going to add enough complexity to it to make anyone crazy. Now he may or may not be here when I go into labor.

So once that hurdle is cleared I get to worry about handling a newborn and a very active 22 month-old. A is very well behaved (unless she's sick) and really not a handful. However, she does need to do something every day. She isn't going to be content lounging around the house all day while I try to get into a routine with the newborn. Plus, she'll be confused about sharing my attention with a baby and her daddy will be gone. Sleepless nights, crying, extra diapers, recovering from childbirth...etc...something I hadn't even worried about because I knew with Stephen around we'd be just fine.

The added detail that makes this sad for me-- to most people this doesn't sound too bad because they'll just call their mom, aunt, sister, cousin etc etc and have them rotate off or help out in any way necessary. All the ladies in families love babies and will take every opportunity to hold them, squeeze them and help a new mom out. This isn't an option for me. Stephen's family lives too far away and aren't the traveling type. Anyone who knows me really well knows what I'm saying-- I just don't have a relationship with anyone in my family so having help isn't an option for me.

On the positive side, there are a LOT of doulas nearby who are needing to make money so I'll be lining one or a few up to help during the early months after the baby is born.

This is definitely not a direction I ever imagined my life taking. I'm just glad I'm not the one making the decision because I don't want any responsibility in splitting our family up for this period of time. I don't see how it will cause positive change. While one of us is working a 9-5 the other will be managing a household 24/7. I know lots of women do it but I feel like this took me by surprise... I didn't sign up for it that is for sure.