Ugh, 10 days until Stephen leaves for North Carolina. I'm trying hard not to count the days but its impossible. There are so many reasons why I feel anxiety about him leaving. First, handling a newborn with a super busy 23 month-old is really hard when you are sleep-deprived and not quite healed up enough to leave the house. Second, when he was gone for two weeks Avery was not happy by the middle of the second week so I have no idea how she is going to handle this extended absence. Third, how will this affect our marriage? How does it affect the marriage of other military families? It seems so weird to just take a break from being together for a year and expect things to be OK. Fourth, I have a serious case of baby blues and cry about everything and nothing so it makes me feel even more sad and anxious about Stephen leaving. Fifth, the holidays and winter are right around the corner and we already spend those times alone...to not have Stephen here will just make it worse. There are a lot of silly things that upset me-- I don't want to decorate for Christmas because I think it will just make my life more difficult keeping Avery out of things-- but I also don't want to skip decorating when she's finally old enough to maybe like it. PLUS we have relisted our house for sale and I just think the decorations will make it cluttered-- especially the tree!
Speaking of the house-- we dropped the price $44,000...SERIOUSLY! If someone doesn't buy it for this price then its never going to sell. Even though the market has pretty much tanked around here, the house is still valued at $218,000 so selling it for $174,900 is a steal. Know anyone? :)
Before Ainsley was born I was pretty sure I could make it being alone but right now...I'm certain I can't. Maybe things will change when I'm not in pain and when I don't almost faint every time I stand up due to some deficiency, including iron, from all the blood lost during Ainsley's birth. I don't know how other people do it. I hope I can look back in a year and feel good about surviving... for now I have a lot of guilt because I have resorted to letting Avery watch TV in the morning for 1.5 hours while I eat and shower and try to clean up a little bit.
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