Matched

My husband and I met on eHarmony three years ago tonight. It is really strange but I was surfing the internet trying to get tired and I felt strangely nostalgic. I know the matching process is entirely computerized but tonight I swear I felt some sort of alarm or something. I had completely forgotten our "match date" but something told me tonight that this was it. I pulled up the files of our saved messages from the site and sure enough, we were matched on this date!

It seems like it should be more than 3 years ago considering all the stuff we have accomplished-- like having two children! HA. It has been a very eventful life so far. I can't honestly say that I hope things continue the way they are...but I do feel fortunate in many ways. I just hope this next year is a little quieter and it would be great if we could all be together again.

Disappointed

Earlier I posted about being humble and learning to ask for help... well I asked for help. I had a friend of the family come up for 2.5 days so I could take care of a huge list of things I needed to do...some of it included sending documents to my husband, getting Christmas gifts for the girls, birthday gifts for Avery and a fairly large amount of work for a client of mine (with a deadline of tomorrow). Well this friend came up much later in the day than planned...shortening my time to get stuff done that day. Then the next day I was off at an appointment for Ainsley... well when I returned the friend HAD to go NOW. UGH. What the hell? I couldn't even fake an "Oh that is OK, I understand." I flat out had a look on my face that let her know I was pissed. She went on and on about how the reason she had to leave was just "so overwhelming". The thing is...she was called away because an unexpected visitor was on their way to her house...but they live 6 hours away. On top of this-- she has no kitchen because it is being remodeled and her visitor is vegan...and she lives in the middle of no where (where you can't really eat vegan easily unless you like iceberg and Dorthy Lynch salad dressing). So the best thing to do would have been to tell the person she mad a commitment already to stay and help us out...and leave as she had planned (or even a few hours earlier). Instead.. she left.

This is not the first instance of this kind of disappointment with this person. I would much rather she just say "No" she can't help than attempt to help and fail. All this did was set me back even further because I made plans for the time that she was here and basically waited until the last minute to do stuff because she was coming. By waiting until the last minute-- I really mean I just stopped stressing about being unable to fit the stuff in between the demands of the girls. Anyway... the major deadline work that I had to do is the only thing that I can't make up. I can shop online for the presents and I'll just have to drag the girls in and out of places to get the errands done... but that client isn't going to be happy that I wasn't able to fulfill my duties on time.

I don't know how to handle this situation... I don't even know what to say to the lady if she mentions it any time in the future. I know I wont be asking her for help again. I know she isn't obligated to help but when you make a commitment it is polite to keep it--especially if failing to keep it puts the person you were going to help in a worse spot than before! Grrrr!

Giant Yet Invisible

I'm three days away from my original due date and 10 days away from my "hospital" due date. I feel giant. I can't walk around quietly..party because breathing is a chore thanks to hormones but also because I can't "walk softly". I'm honestly not *that* big but of course I'm not normal-sized either. I'm still in my non-pregnancy underwear.. so I feel OK with my weight. Anyway..that isn't the point of my "giant" post today.

I'm half annoyed half sad...and feeling a little bit invisible. Two of my local friends, ones I have known longer than my newer mommy friends, called/texted in the past week and seemed completely oblivious to the fact that I was pregnant. One actually thought I was only half-way through my pregnancy. Now I know being pregnant only seems like a big deal to the person who is actually pregnant but these people haven't talked to me in weeks...actually more like 2 months. I don't expect anyone to know exactly how far along I am but it was obvious when they asked when I was due that they realized it had been a LONG time since we talked. I am starting to see why my husband wants to move closer to family. Friends are cool and all but sometimes they aren't enough. So when these friends say "oh let me know if you need help when the baby comes" my first thought is...um yeah...right....sure thing. I think part of it is just that life is so fast and busy for everyone. It stinks. It really deteriorates the quality of relationships-- marriage, friendships..everything. It probably doesn't help matters much that my husband is also pretty much oblivious to my being pregnant.. his head is in North Carolina already. Luckily when the baby does come it will cry a lot so he wont be able to ignore him/her anymore.

I probably sound like a big whiner right now but I actually feel some peace after experiencing this. I have always thought that saying that people are in your life for a "reason, season or lifetime" rang true. It definitely seems to be accurate in my life at the moment.

Everyone's in Bed So I Turn to My Blog

Can I just say that I'm PISSED! P I S S E D. Yep I'm cursing.

After over a year of working my butt off for a company doing things that were paid as well as volunteer they have decided that I am no longer "adequate" for an aspect of the paid part of my duties. Oh but they would LOVE to see me continue the volunteer part. Um yeah, sure you would. There are maybe 5-6 other people who do the same volunteer role in other areas of the company but truth be told, I do WAY more work as a volunteer than anyone else. I don't do it for accolades or anything like that. I did it because the financial gain from the paid work was much appreciated by my family. I love(d) the company...what they stood for....the service they provided. I knew what was expected of me and I was helping others learn how to get accustomed to their knew role as a contractor for this company (all that stuff was my unpaid role). I saved the employees of this company a lot of time by volunteering...and I mean a LOT of time. I put out fires, reported thieves, filtered "complaints" and brought to light real questions and problems, herded the sheep, bandaged wounds...you name it-- I did it all-- virtually speaking of course.

So yeah...I don't get to do the same paid work anymore but they would love it if I would continue my volunteer duties--my choice. Jerks. Are you kidding me? You pee on someone who's given so much FREE time...how about some coaching if I need to improve? Or am I getting paid too much and you need me to work less? Was there SOME other way around this? I am pretty sure there was. Since you went the icky route...and had the gall to ask if I would still want to volunteer despite not getting to continue with the same paid role.... I have to say I am very disappointed in you.

I'm also disappointed in myself. I knew I was giving too much. I ALWAYS give too much. Sometimes I pout when I'm alone because people never give back equally...or at all most times. I can't give 10% I guess. I have to give it all or I don't feel like I've done enough. Would you call that having pride in your work ethic? When am I going to learn? I cut a lot of people out of my life in the previous 24 months because I was always the giver. I had a lot less stress when I got those people out of my life. I miss some of them but I know it isn't worth it. I need to learn not to give 100% all the time. I'm sick of getting peed on for being to generous... jerks.

People-Pleasing

I've always known that I have a problem with being unhappy when the people around me are unhappy. It is true that I spend far too much time doing whatever I can to make other people happy or comfortable even if it means I'm miserable. Somedays I really prefer to be a people-pleaser but every now and then I meet a person whom I really care about and want to make happy all the time. That person just happens to be IMPOSSIBLE to please. This of course makes me feel terrible about our relationship and about my efforts at making the person happy.

I'm not really sure how to make our relationship work. Either I have to learn not to be a people-pleaser or this person has to get happy. Both of those necessities seem pretty unlikely to occur. What does that mean for the two of us? I'm not exactly sure. I just hope we find a way to accommodate each other in the meantime.

Reading Between the Lines of Baby Talk

I've read plenty of research that says the first year of parenthood is extremely hard on a marriage. So far at nearly 6 months through I would have to say that we are doing just fine. We haven't had any "fights" or weird arguments so far. However, we do speak to each other through baby talk!

This sounds funny but I'm sure everyone has noticed it before. Instead of telling Stephen I am annoyed that I had to get out of bed and take care of Avery when it is his turn I will say to her, "I guess Daddy didn't want to help you this time so I will". Other comments have been, "I know you are starving but mommy doesn't think so", "Tell Daddy to pick his dirty shoes up so you can have room to play".

Anyway- instead of actually speaking negative things to each other we have put our complaints "between the lines" of baby talk to our daughter. Maybe that isn't any healthier than just arguing, but for now it works.